Wow, who knew that sitting next to me in the front seat of the car was such a
honor?! I'm flattered! In fact, if you don't mind for a moment, I think I'll
just stay here, in my own world and keep pretending that it really is all about
me. A world where mama is a little boy's best friend forever and ever no matter
how much growing older tries to threaten that. Sigh. Okay, that was nice. Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, I was talking about how energetic my two older
boys are about "shotgun." I would love to keep believing that I'm the center of
this eagerness, however, we all know that the real reason is...as painful
as this is to admit...it's not me at all...it's the radio. Yep, the truth is my boys fight for the
front seat so that they can control the radio. Why is the radio so important, so worth the wrestling match, so worth causing mama to have to
scream speak loudly?
They both like the same music. They both hate the same music. They are going
to listen to the same thing no matter who's turning the dial. My theory? It
all comes back to one thing....control. I would love to say here that I
have no part of this in their DNA, but that would just be a straight up lie, and
we've made a promise to be real here. So here's my real, but with a small condition.
Please don't tell my husband that I'm admitting this, haha. Oh, or that I've
admitted a negative trait passed down to my children could have possibly come
from me. We all good? *Wink.* Okay, so here it goes. Hello, my name is Pam, and
I am a control freak. If things around me get, or even
feel like they are
getting, out of control, I get nervous. I don't like to feel weak, or vunerable.
I like things orderly, clean and the way I like them. Don't believe me...just ask my husband. Wait, no, don't ask him, he knows nothing about this
conversation, right?! :) While there are some positive traits to this type personality, (generally organized, on task, etc.,) the point I
want to make here is this. How hard is it for us to let God be in control? Do
you get that same sweaty, hard to breathe feeling that I get sometimes at the
thought of being completely dependant upon someone else? Why is it so hard?
Why do we think we know better for ourselves than the one that created us? Why
am I sometimes convinced that I can plan my life better than God Almighty
himself.
Proverbs 16:3 says this... "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he
will establish your plans."
Ouch. Okay, Lord...I hear you and I want to be
obedient. I want to allow you to guide me, even into the unknown, and even though being without "my" plan scares me to death. I haven't figured out my "word" yet for 2013 (see Kim's post) but I
have figured out this much...my phrase (and more importantly my prayer) will be
something along the lines of the words of an old hymn..."Take my life, lead me Lord...make my life useful to thee." Will
you join me?
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